He realised she did like me. My hunch is that it would not be good at all. Until three months into the relationship when he decided to break up with me because he wouldnt allow anything to distract him from his studies. It saddens me that our children have a father who wants to be around them, but cant stand to be around them when they are near. did he do that? We have 4 children. This broke me. And while it has happened more than once in the past it has just caused such a deep resentment that I am now at a juncture where I just want to leave the relationship and work on my own happiness. The surface includes a host of differences, but deep down youll find the sameness.). I dont want to lose contact with her and a kind of out of sight out of mind situation. So, kids or not, maybe that is who he is. THIS WOMAN IS OF STRONG CHARACTER AND FREE AS A BIRD BUT I FEEL SOME HOW SHE PERCIEVES ME AS CAGED.. Or have I become so lost, jaded, tarnished and hurt that my mind will not allow me to feel truth. Hi Mummy What can I do to show him hes my everything. We broke up for 1yr and then something lead us back to each other. Even though he is doing everything in his power to show me his love I feel like the hurt and pain has made me numb. This is due to mobile. He was becoming distant the past couple months, and now hes numb. My boyfriend and I have been together for 5 years, 2.5 years long distance. I have since apologized, and asked for her forgiveness, not asking for an answer, just wanting her to think about it. She didnt call to let me know he was ok and she didnt care to. June of 2013, I had taken the physical abuse pretty far and had hurt her fairly bad. But he is so hurt from my dishonesty and doesnt think he could ever trust me again. This man I know I love but..is love enough to keep my eyes from wandering? We discussed our relationship, talked about breaking up but both decided although we were becoming distant we both still love each other and want to fight for the future we were both working towards together with each other. I dont know what to do. But he made it all about him and so are you now, too. My daughter was very sick even at home. I still cry from time to time over the pain he has caused and I know he feels awful about it. started to disappear cause of the absence of my I met this man early 2012 we were staying in the same complex things started all as a joke ad time went on I was advise that he was married I asked him he refused and as time went on I literally believed him as he will stays here in Pretoria but his family is from Mpumalanga. Hello, I just read this article and it really resonated with me and has given me some much needed hope. I want to rebuild trust for her to fall in love with me again, I know it will take time. At first I dismissed this saying No you have to go if you cant love me but then I got to thinking maybe this is an opportunity to show him I realize my weaknesses and that I realize I caused him to loose his since of self and rebuild things between us. I feel like Ive been so scared by this that I can never truly forgive him and open up to him again. Everything was good. The only things I can offer are apologize, asking for forgiveness, and asking for a chance to show the best of me instead of my worst. It may seem that the person you love hates you right now, but more often than not, they still care deep down. Read self-help books for it or seek affordable therapy. i need to recreate this. he is pushing me away. So after a week of my parents seeing how miserable I was at home they let me move in with him, and when I went there it felt like he didnt want me there (he did not even help me unload my things) but I didnt care he was all I wanted. The love trumps the hate. She is my first real long term relationship but its mainly because Im very specific on who I want to give myself too. Not until we can start counseling and actually get some help with our relationship. I know neither of us would cheat. 3. He says he didnt tell her he wanted to work things out but she told me he did. "The Rise and Fall of the Romantic Ideal," In R. Grossi & D. West (eds. He has plenty of friends and family that he can talk to (even older male friends that he said he looks up to) , and many of them have talked to him about our situation, but I dont know if he truly has listened to them. i have apologised through texts and we fought on the ex issue also . Over the year there have been some good times but also bad times where I panic, start to really worry and spiral into a depression. I was hurt because I dont know why she brought him into the picture. He then had an accident 2 years later which has left him in huge amounts of pain. Truly I am regretting what I did. Do men not expect feelings to develop over time, we are adults. Im thinking something must have been going wrong in your relationship in the first place for your husband to just drop you like that to take care of this friend. I have stepped up to the plate,taking on more than my share of household responsibilities, provided lavish gifts and opened the line of communication because I am no longer blind to the fact and finally aware and want to make this work. Over time I joined a car club. And though I am trying to be nice to her and show her changes I still dont feel her receptiveness. Id complain over and over again, but the friendship never stopped. he is the bestest guy i could ever have. Is a very intelligent man used to be an RN nurse until the car accident. And that means the first step is to love and appreciate yourself. Heres why: The falling in love kind of love, not the familial love that you have, say, for your parents or children, is about receiving. We are supposed to be each others best friend first and foremost, someone who understands us through and through. Is there a chance? He says he loves more than ever & that I am the most amazing person he knows. Xx. Under the stress, I threatened our relationship multiple times, and once, I actually left. The sex will be much better when that happens, I promise you. Since im not coming back if he doesnt. What do we do? Way. Out of blue she called me this Monday February 20 early in the morning on my way to work. He says he is in love with me. While this article confirmed a lot of what Id felt to be true, it still helped. There have been some mistakes in the past 9 years that hurt me over and over, and I stopped letting myself be vulnerable to them by closing myself off from him about 4 years ago. Furthermore, you have not gotten to the root of her behavior or your own. Sigh. I know it is over for good and I am devestated. Ive already lost a lot this year and life is too short to go through all of this. Is It normal to put up barriers to feel nothing and to cut people out of your life? My inability to respect her needs or place her needs on an equal playing field as mine is why we are here in the first place. The Persuaders were not, in fact, singing about hating and loving a person at the same time, but about love turning to hate. So, if I was off once he got off work I expected hed spend time with me but no all he did was sleep all day until he had to wake up and go to work later that night. You didnt respond but thats ok, thats not why Im writing. When our wedding song comes on he always wants to slow dance and he tears up but I feel nothing. I am extremely hurt by this man. When someone you thought is the closest to you goes on to hurt you it becomes very tough to deal with the situation and I even felt like I couldnt trust myself anymore :(. or that you are together and he wont let you return to the States (if that is home). Four months after his incident, and we are now trying to forgive each other and start a fresh relationship but I still carry resentment. I had a rough childhood that I thought I left in the past, I said some really hurtful things to her and pushed her away. What concerns me right now is the fact that it had been three weeks since I spoke to her and her anger and rage only seems to be growing and she said that shes okay with it even though she knows that it may be unhealthy to be holding on to it. Because I finally sm telling the truth about the wolf snd now there was nobody to believe me. Only problem is he was terrible at communicating. I have been unfaithful to my wife for 10 years. He was still arguing and I phoned the police. Its very conflicting hating a person im still in love with and im sorry to anyone else experiencing something like this. Im just so lost, I need steps on to healing myself because Ive stopped eating(lost of appetite) and I barely get any sleep because I have dreams of them and I toss and turn like crazy, Im not as happy and joyful anymore, I just want to feel better and get back to my normal self. We got together with her on Boxing Day. Theres no doubt that I love him and want things to work between us but I really feel I resent him. What can I do to get her back? If you go on the first visit with him (which is common practice for marriage & family therapists) and insist on no confidentiality restrictions, then you will be able to know if he shows up at his sessions and is making progress. I know in my heart that the love we have for one another is genuine, but I guess I am seeking advice on what I should do to give our relationship the best chance. Everyone is so shocked, by his actions. Perhaps he was always an unhappy person? Im giving up on trying!? Four months after we were married, I realised that he is a secret drinker. The past few month we argued a lot, and she was saying i ignore her and dont give her enough attention. The only way they can connect is through the body because the emotions have been cut off (and the mind, too). Dear dr Theres a bunch on my own website about the emotional and spiritual component of sex (drdeb.com). Now my trust in him never recuperated so I checked his phone and found sext msgs to and from a coworker. That goes for both parties. It was so bad I needed to be put on medication for depression. I wasnt happy before but now Im down right depressed and I dont think things will ever work put but I cant imagine a life without him in it. I cant control it but thats what Im working on right now. But you can hate a person you love even when your love is reciprocated, and even when you have an overall thriving relationship with them. You just cant turn that kind of love off. I was sad and hurt. How can i handle this please any one any good advise or DR beb any suggestion is a way to put this relation back again. I hope that at some pointment she will want to come with me to these so that we can work on things together. Thank you. If this relationship is important to you, you really need to do what the 12 step people recommend: A fearless moral inventory. I really could use your help please. Its rather amusing how these steps outlined in the article are exactly, and I mean exactly, where I am today. On the Saturdays I worked hed be calling her; accidently meeting up for a milkshake or coffee. We started dating after she got out of a 3 year relationship in which the guy cheated on her. I dont care about the guy that she goes on dates with. for some people who aredifferent, they are emotionally built differently and they cannot just move on and the pain remains with them for ever. Well then in June or July 2013 I went on his yahoo account and there were emails on there off of craigslist personals between him and other woman in 2012. I should have stop him but I didnt. Hi im only 18 I know Im young, but 3 years ago I met this amazing girl. His wife tried to call me and I never pick up. Maybe one day you'll know the unconditional love that compels a bleeding soldier to drag a friend with war torn legs out from the jungle and into the one and only seat in the heli. We broke up about 3 weeks ago. The problem is this new life makes me feel anxious and insecure. Mummy what can I do to show him hes my everything kids or not, maybe that home! Counseling and actually get some help with our relationship later which has left him in huge amounts pain! 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