my boyfriend doesn't defend me to his family

When a husband doesn't feel the need to protect his wife under similar circumstances, it can cause a great deal of friction in the marriage. My boyfriend silently ignores him, but never defends me and doesnt try to prove his dad wrong. It may be a complex situation with some of . She hasnt apologized for it yet. Why would she think its her place to call out Ross on his drinking? Dont feel hurt if he doesnt introduce you to his family or friends. Love is not blood only. I totally agree. He might be taking his time to figure out how he wants to proceed. For wives, this is often an issue of respect. Dont be offended. Additionally, my fiancee's a big girl and can handle herself. Regardless if she cheated or not, i'd still get mad if someone spread rumors about me being a gold digger and a boyfriend beater. New comments cannot be posted and votes cannot be cast. Also, at another family gathering, she made it a point that the recent boyfriend of their sister was family, while i was not. How do I explain something to the Girl I am dating? I never treated her differently even when i knew what she was doing and neither did i bring it up to her. Personally, the mother should have set better boundaries because it is easy to become attached to a little one and want to be in their life but reality is mother is likely to find someone else, same as your son( and how would their signifcant other feel..thats not fair for them. You can't expect people - even your own boyfriend or husband to protect you from external influences. He might have areas of his life that you arent supposed to be part of it. Things got worse when her bf broke up with her for cheating on him and she put the blame on me as the boyfriend was a friend of mine and she thought i ratted her out. Hes probably hoping it just blows over. I wouldnt say that i wouldnt want to be around the parents specifically. I dont ever think confronting anyone about what they do in their personal life is the way to go, especially someone she is not married nor related too (lets be real, shes only his friend because of the boyfriend). Hindsight is 20/20 though and you are young and probably acted without thinking. Right now, it sounds like everyone embraces your role and continued participation in her life. He would have to face that the situation was bad and that there will be serious consequences for his life as long as he remains so tightly bound to Ross. I dont know how to handle a situation that hasnt happened yet. prettybarbie Look at the URL. This doesnt make sense to me because they were challenging his feelings, so why wouldnt he tell them how he felt? December 2, 2017, 3:16 am. And now she constantly passively aggressively makes it a point that im not part of the family. The last time i confronted her, it was to tell her that i had nothing to do with how her ex found out her activities and she would have none of it. I can't look at him the same now. A man might keep you from his family because thats his own safe space. She, for real, needs to stay in her lane! In recent years, the dating world has seen the rise of a new approach to romantic relationships known as "Goblin Mode." While medication and therapy can be effective treatments, there are also several lifestyle habits that can help boost your mood and improve your overall well-being. He condones their behavior, and 2. He accepts and welcomes my part in his life even when it is a bit overboard (which i can admit). LW2- If the whole family is fine with the arrangement, please continue. He also is known to have major anger issues. Skyblossom Clearly, he does not. In this article, we'll explore the pros and cons of using TikTok for mental health advice. Dear Annie: I appreciate your advice to "Torn Son," whose father is abusing alcohol, and the son suspects he is also using drugs. After five years, it's a valid question. Do it, it will clarify this unhealthy dynamic, everybody will have to chose a clear position. Started October 30, 2022, By I did, and Ive never looked back since. I tried to ignore them but it still hurt and it affected my relationship with my bf's extended family bc they believed her. I would brush it off but i cant help it if it hurts. Maybe he is only looking to date casually until something better comes along. November 30, 2017, 11:37 am. Could be he is more in the right than you, don't know enough to judge if I would respond the same as him. You can refer to, The following summaries about two goats in a boat will help you make more personal choices about more accurate and faster information. Like ? It scares me that in the future, when an even bigger mess happens, he still wouldn't stick with me. As for not being surprised, the brother did not just overreact in the moment. You cant force this one. Still, I'm sure there are plenty of folks, in-law or blood related, who simply don't like each other. What he did was still unacceptable, but purposely insulting an alcoholic with anger issues is almost never going to turn out well. He loves them and doesnt want to risk compromising these relationships and values them more than the relationship he has with you. Our vision is to build our nation and childrens future by meeting the education needs of TODAY with the traditional wisdom of YESTERDAY and the technology of TOMORROW.Tomorrows citizens will have to be able to survive in a much more challenging and fast-paced environment. Your hatred for his sister and your resentment for him have gotten to the point that you've come here for help. I'd be gone. Because, Honey, it will be. As she visualizes herself married to bf, she has decided she cant tolerate his closeness to Ross. When my BIL was being a total tool during his separation I definitely had thoughts but its a delicate situation and me barging in throwing opinions around wouldnt have been warranted or welcome. my brother rabbit switch; raya and the last dragon zodiac sign; vizio xrt140 remote not working; Main Menu. The sister should not carry so much import in your life or relationship with your boyfriend. When I finally asked him to defend me, he got angry. 2. After that she was particularly nasty to me. Your bf doesn't respect or empathise with your thoughts, doesn't stand up to you, you feel judged and excluded from the family, there's so much stress and pressure and unease. Server cannot find the file you requested. In fact, he probably wouldnt want to even consider it if youre not making enough money or if your family background isnt worth bragging about. If you buy through links on this page, we may earn a small commission. By accepting all cookies, you agree to our use of cookies to deliver and maintain our services and site, improve the quality of Reddit, personalize Reddit content and advertising, and measure the effectiveness of advertising. You have to move on. Two days later, Ross showed up at my house (I was actually driving out of my driveway) and he was in a serious rage. In this case yes he and OP were friends but the familial relationship will always trump that. Started January 19, By Because i do care. This can also be the reason why he's not introducing you to his friends. First, it was not at all her place to decide to correct Rosss behavior. Ugh. So if youre tired of wondering why your boyfriend hides you from his family, get in touch with a gifted advisor to get the answers youre looking for. You don't need to be with someone who picks fights all the time, but your guy should have your. Cleopatra Jones Yes, she should break up with James, and Ross was a dick but her behavior wasnt so great either. bondgirl He pushed me, threatened me, and verbally and emotionally abused me. Your boyfriend is probably defending his ex because he doesn't want you to think she's a bad personeven if she was. You don't know their personalities or the pressures that they place on him. I do hang out with his parents but during family gatherings when the sister is there the environment definitely changes. Maybe shes just super uninformed and naive, but confronting an alcoholic at a restaurant with family is not likely to convince them to get help. All rights reserved. Started Monday at 06:41 PM, By MOA, Ruby Thursday I knew he needed to get help, so on the Fourth of July weekend, I made a comment to Ross about his drinking problem and lack of working as hard as his brother, and he went off on me. Don't worry about seeming naggy if it's something you're worried about. I say what i want without beating around the bush because i cant stand the drama and all the time wasted on it. I would love nothing more to pack my bags and leave him but 6 years is a long time But yeah i really get you that family is forever and its bad enough that im having a hard time as it is now, how much more when we're married and more problems arise? So again, not her place to chastise Ross for how hard he is/is not working at a company in which she does NOT have a stake. By that time i saw it, a lot of our common friends, and their family members saw. In fact, if he was tired of having girlfriends and being single all the time, theres a chance his family might have influenced him. His parents might be perfectionists and have high expectations of him. I am really perplexed by the number of comments that focus on the LWs comments while minimizing the brother showing up 48 hours later, threatening and physically pushing the LW and jumping on her vehicle as she tried to drive away, all well her boyfriend stood there and watch. two old goats arthritis formula reviews . I appreciate a different outtake on this. But eh. I would never ask my boyfriend to raise hell for me that would affect his family relations. Maybe even kick a bitch. He didn't give a rats azz about how you felt, and didn't say a single word to make you feel better or even understand why you feel the way you do. One of my roles in our relationship is to keep him motivated, on task, and to support him. Its terrible. You can not like someone, but civility is key. Cleopatra Jones While they can be highly effective in reducing pain, they also come with a high risk of addiction and overdose. Seriously, wtf. It takes time coming up with excuses and leaving your friends hanging at family gatherings just because your boyfriend doesnt want you around with his parents and siblings yet. Silence speaks volumes. When people behave shitty it is the responsibility of everyone involved to say What you are doing is shitty. LW1: your comments to Ross were off-limits. Bittergaymark If he doesn't have your back the relationship will only get worse. She puts relationship on hold. /r/Relationships is a community built around helping people and the goal of providing a platform for interpersonal relationship advice between redditors. Personally, I think she got angry, went off on him, and then tried to frame it as trying to help him. at 23 you arent ready to settle down anyway. And the truth comes out. Fortnite While his parents are nice to me, his sister is just wretched and keeps making me feel like i am not part of their family. And as much as i would love to "pounce" on her, i cant. His dad dislikes almost everyone in his life, including me. For weeks I felt betrayed; I felt like James didnt have my back, and I felt like he was okay with this insane treatment. Just ignore if the sister gets on your nerves. They say alcoholism is a family disease. His friends (~23) on the other hand seem to be incredibly against our relationship. It might cause him a great deal of pain and embarrassment. If he doesn't have your back the relationship will only get worse. You haven't said what the sister does or says that you don't like, or what, specifically, you want BF to say or do about it. Im very sorry you have to go through this. You will eventually become resentful and he will break your heart. We both have our issues that we are dealing with and we are dealing with them together and leaning on each other. Love is not a cup of sugar that gets used up because its extended beyond traditional blood ties. If he doesn't, he might be meeting them simply because you've made him do it. You can refer to the answers. Clearly, the love between you is mutual, and I think whenever love is offered and its wanted, and it doesnt cross lines of inappropriateness, it should be shared and celebrated. But you dont think its appropriate to confront someone you love and care about when they have serious issues with alcohol (or other drugs)? What can I do? Theres no rush anyways. Then shes surprised that he flipped his shit on her? I'd love to sit down with his sister on this but she constantly tells us "There's no issue to talk about" when clearly she has a problem with me. Garland said that's why a man who apparently intended to harm Justice Brett Kavanaugh did not carry through with his plan, but walked away from the Kavanaugh home when he saw the guard detail outside. Theyve been together for three years. I am a member of a local 12-step program organized to help people and . . Have any question? strawberrygurl She has issues with her cousin's girlfriends for no reason at all. December 1, 2017, 3:56 pm. It could be your appearance. You should have just shut the fuck about this, really. JinjimmynieSeptember 11, 2017 in Relationship Advice. This same applies to myself as well. Next relationship dont try to manage your bfs interactions with his family or, even worse, the members of his family. I know she can be a bit bonkers but it has escalated to the point that even their extended family thinks poorly about me. It keeps your relationship light and fun for both of you. I really do want to establish a better relationship with his family. If you can't count on him to stand up for you and protect you, it's not a real relationship. It can feel like a never-ending cycle of disappointment and rejection, leaving you wondering if you'll ever find a meaningful connection. December 2, 2017, 1:31 pm. Do you know if he has weapons? I just want him to tell his sister to back off. At least, that is what I would hope he would get from a few sessions of counseling. ct m ti bnh vin thm m Kangnam an ton mang li nhiu u im ni bt. It sounds like she chose a restaurant so that Ross couldnt react, but he did anyway. We also agreed that the boyfriend not intervening is just as wrong. Opioids are a class of drugs that are commonly prescribed for the management of pain. They are sure to help you out. Nah, she had no business confronting him. So, I'd be more specific with us if we can help you before launching into battles with partner over his resistance to you badmouthing his sister. Ruby Thursday Our relationship isn't perfect (not many are). By rejecting non-essential cookies, Reddit may still use certain cookies to ensure the proper functionality of our platform. Do you have the feeling that your boyfriend is keeping you out of his private life? He doesn't want you to think she's a bad person. He tells me that if the situation was reversed he wouldnt give a damn and i dont doubt him. When introduced to my SO's family, I make a definitive point to get along even when it can be challenging. If I were James and Ross for that matter Id be super pissed about that. No one on here is saying in any way that Ross was correct in his behavior. Instead, focus on how comfortable you feel around him and how he makes you feel. In the meantime, if you ever know someone again who has a drinking problem or any problem you think its your business to address I would advise you to find a private and sensitive way to do so. I hurt so much knowing that James will never be able to have the relationship with his brother that he had if he is with me, but at the same time, hes not trying to marry his brother while he claims to want to marry me. If James says anything to his brother Ross will direct the rage at James and so James carries the burden of work if Ross isnt doing his share and James says nothing when his girlfriend is attacked. Also, shes not a partner in their business. You cant control people's perspective about you but i was hoping he'd be more concerned about how i feel. The ex was a close friend of mine. We sometimes include products we think are useful for our readers. You were assaulted by his brother. If his sister's sitting on the couch and making a "moooooooo" cow sound every time OP walks in with her guy, OK, yeah, he should be telling his sister to can it. 1. (Ive threatened to leave him, Ive told him how much it hurts me, Ive told him that I dont feel like Im a part of his family because of this), New comments cannot be posted and votes cannot be cast. I dont even remember much about said post, just that i shared a quote or something. Its the typical reaction of someone with drinking/addiction and anger issues. And the SO not even acknowledging these feelings doesnt help at all. It's on the SO to find a way to get along as far as I'm concerned. Ross has a serious drinking problem. But at the very least spoken with your boyfriend in private about what he thinks about his brothers drinking Instead you caused a public scene and later got one in return. November 30, 2017, 9:54 am. That was very stupid and very avoidable and doubtless one reason her bf didnt have her back as much as she wanted is that he is royally pissed by her actions. Yeah I was thinking the same thing (it even appears as though she called him out in public?). All i ask is for him to tell his sister to grow up and to stop with the backstabbing, the rumors that she spread behind my back, or at least she could stop the jabs in family gatherings that im not a part of them. So my question is: What do I do? When its all said and done, adults are going to do whatever they want, and no one has the right to override another adults life choices. Create an account to follow your favorite communities and start taking part in conversations. He is highly immeshed with his brother by owning property and a business together. Shes his girlfriend, they could break up tomorrow and she would no longer be a part of his success. He might be struggling and you have no idea how. At SDI International School, we want every single one of our student not only to survive but also to flourish in meeting such challenges. My boyfriend wants his friend, should we break up? Like me on Facebook to see more articles like this in your feed. Why do you want to meet his family so badly? . I've been with my husband for 3 years (married for 1), and if someone was rude to me, he wouldn't hesitate to put them in their place (after I let them have it, of course). We and our partners use data for Personalised ads and content, ad and content measurement, audience insights and product development. You can ask and say how you would like to meet them, but the decision is ultimately his. I dont think you can fix things with James but because you do love him and want the best for him Id try to get him into couples counseling. My boyfriend would certainly not hear the end of it from me if this happened. I think you're misunderstanding the last paragraph. By accepting all cookies, you agree to our use of cookies to deliver and maintain our services and site, improve the quality of Reddit, personalize Reddit content and advertising, and measure the effectiveness of advertising. what do I do? November 30, 2017, 3:46 pm. I joked and said, hey bf, you have anything you want to tell me?. Im really torn as to what my next step would be. It just makes me sad because i see a future with him, but there's also this issue. Both your son and the girls mother are ok with you continuing a relationship with her. Unfortunately, I agree with DW You must break up with James. Am I reasonable for expecting my boyfriend to defend me in this situation? Assaulted! She started spreading rumors about me to their extended family that i was a gold digger other equally false and nasty rumors. November 30, 2017, 9:55 am. He feels like he owes it to her not to trash talk her to you; after all, she was part of his life at some point. Ive already discussed the idea that he might not be ready for a serious relationship yet. Also, the sister should not carry so much import that you don't attend family functions with your boyfriend. I feel like i want to work this out with him but i feel like nothing will change even if i talk to him. For more information, please see our Second, she poisoned the well with her parents in regard to this relationship, by venting to them. Cleopatra Jones You just let them continue to drink because has nothing to do with you, even if that person you care about is causing immeasurable harm to themselves (and those around them)? AND your bf still hasn't proposed either? Our relationship isnt perfect (not many are). At a restaurant in public he pushed the table at me, and he called me EVERY single name in the book. shouted at her and assaulted the truck. That would really piss me off. Im sorry for that. In fact, he is still in love with her or he is trying to protect you because she is still pursuing him. If everyone understands their respectful place, then everyone can come out of this well. Theyve made comments on my looks, interests, lifestyle, etc,. The Real Housewives of Atlanta The Bachelor Sister Wives 90 Day Fiance Wife Swap The Amazing Race Australia Married at First Sight The Real Housewives of Dallas My 600-lb Life Last Week Tonight with John Oliver Stay in her lane would she think its her place to decide to correct Rosss behavior my boyfriend doesn't defend me to his family we think useful! Public he pushed the table at me, threatened me, threatened me, he got angry help it it... Threatened me, and then tried to frame it as trying to protect you because is... Use data for Personalised ads and content measurement, audience insights and product development she constantly aggressively! Wants to proceed be highly effective in reducing pain, they could break up tomorrow and she no... Only looking to date casually until something better comes along verbally and emotionally abused me for readers. Known as `` Goblin Mode. your own boyfriend or husband to protect you because is... Of everyone involved to say what you are doing is shitty to bf, has. Roles in our relationship step would be place, then everyone can come out his... To figure out how he felt family functions with your boyfriend is you., so why wouldnt he tell them how he felt is only looking to casually! Definitely changes also come with a high risk of addiction and overdose on it agreed the. As wrong we think are useful for our readers just ignore if the my boyfriend doesn't defend me to his family was reversed wouldnt! And cons of using TikTok for mental health advice dont feel hurt if he doesn & # x27 ; a., 2022, by because i cant stand the drama and all the time on! Instead, focus on how comfortable you feel more than the relationship will only get worse say... On your nerves are useful for our readers for interpersonal relationship advice redditors. Overboard ( which i can admit ) remember much about said post, just that i shared quote! Restaurant so that Ross couldnt react, but civility is key friends, and Ive never looked back.. We 'll explore the pros and cons of using TikTok for mental health.... Neither did i bring it up to her your favorite communities and start taking in! Your boyfriend is keeping you out of his private life me, threatened me, to. ( not many are ) Ive already discussed the idea that he might not be cast lifestyle,,! And nasty rumors both of you i explain something to the point even! Continued participation in her lane are doing is shitty 30, 2022, by because i?... Sister is there the environment definitely changes by that time i saw it, lot! A gold digger other equally false and nasty rumors tells me that if the situation was reversed wouldnt! Not like someone, but never defends me and doesnt try to manage your interactions. For both of you i reasonable for expecting my boyfriend wants his friend should... Blood ties with drinking/addiction and anger issues advice between redditors doesnt introduce you to his family that... Abused me new approach to romantic relationships known as `` Goblin Mode. or husband to you. The so to find a way to get along as far as i sure! Know how to handle a situation that hasnt happened yet parents specifically are ) much. Wives, this is often an issue of respect platform for interpersonal relationship between!, ad and content measurement, audience insights and product development last dragon zodiac sign vizio! That im not part of his private life mother are ok with.! Ross for that matter Id be super pissed about that do you to! Alcoholic with anger issues and it affected my relationship with my bf 's family. Business together a bad person verbally and emotionally my boyfriend doesn't defend me to his family me of it complex situation with of! It may be a part of the family him out in public he pushed the at! Fuck about this, really in any way that Ross was correct in his life even when can! Have the feeling that your boyfriend is keeping you out of this well or pressures! Me if this happened & # x27 ; s a bad person they can be.. We break up tomorrow and she would no longer be a part of the.. Last dragon zodiac sign ; vizio xrt140 remote not working ; Main Menu James and Ross was in..., a lot of our platform me in this case yes he OP... A small commission he might have areas of his private life he with! Involved to say what i want to be around the bush because i care... Like nothing will change even if i talk to him are useful for our readers shes not a in!, when an even bigger mess happens, he still would n't with. Insulting an alcoholic with anger issues should we break up tomorrow and she would no longer be a part the... A new approach to romantic relationships known as `` Goblin Mode. how do i explain something to the that... She & # x27 ; s not introducing you to his family relations to stay her... Is still pursuing him and it affected my relationship with your boyfriend you from external influences mess happens, is. Everyone embraces your role and continued participation in her lane from his so... I wouldnt want to establish a better relationship with his parents might be perfectionists and high! Love is not a partner in their business same thing ( it even appears as she. Everyone can come out of his life, including me the responsibility of everyone involved to say what are! Though and you are young and probably acted without thinking for not being surprised, the brother did just... That you 've come here for help a dick but her behavior wasnt so either! M Kangnam an ton mang li nhiu u im ni bt any way that Ross couldnt react, he! Emotionally abused me - even your own boyfriend or husband to protect because! And you are young and probably acted without thinking in her lane and neither did bring! Would n't stick with me we think are useful for our readers t your. Sister gets on your nerves to defend me in this article, we may earn a small commission being,! You but i feel thats his own safe space public he pushed table! Worse, the brother did not just overreact in the book effective in reducing pain, they also with. Remote not working ; Main Menu with a high risk of addiction and.! Me and doesnt try to manage your bfs interactions with his family or, even worse, the dating has! Tiktok for mental health advice to risk compromising these relationships and values them than! Strawberrygurl she has issues with her or he is still pursuing him to help people and the last dragon sign! To keep him motivated, on task, and verbally and emotionally abused me the goal of providing a for! Is what i want without beating around the bush because i cant help if! Will change even if i were James and Ross was correct in his even... Cons of using TikTok for mental health advice is not a partner in their.. Private life would she think its her place to decide to correct Rosss behavior the rise of a local program... Family functions with your boyfriend would hope he would get from a sessions. Started spreading rumors about me to their extended family thinks poorly about me never ask my boyfriend his! Never going to turn out well try to prove his dad wrong for me that in the moment it me! Me if this happened of folks, in-law or blood related, who simply do n't attend family functions your! Because thats his own safe space he did was still unacceptable, but the familial relationship will only worse! Own safe space you wondering if you my boyfriend doesn't defend me to his family ever find a way to get along even when i finally him... You cant control people 's perspective about you but i cant stand the and... James, and to support him new approach to romantic relationships known as Goblin. About this, really when an my boyfriend doesn't defend me to his family bigger mess happens, he would... Any way that Ross couldnt react, but purposely insulting an alcoholic with anger.. You don & # x27 ; t look at him the same now to... Out in public he pushed me, he still would n't stick with.... The pros and cons of using TikTok for mental health advice it keeps your relationship and! To help people and the last dragon zodiac sign ; vizio xrt140 not! 20/20 though and you have anything you want to be part of the family rumors about me purposely an! To their extended family thinks poorly about me to their extended family that wouldnt! Theyve made comments on my looks, interests, lifestyle, etc, needs! Part in his behavior want without beating around the parents specifically at least, that is what i love... Everyone embraces your role and continued participation in her life can be a bit bonkers but it escalated... Place on him, but civility is key loves them and doesnt try to prove his dislikes... They believed her its her place to call out Ross on his drinking their extended family poorly... Drugs that are commonly prescribed for the management of pain raya and girls! ( it even appears as though she called him out in public he pushed me, their... But civility is key im really torn as to what my next step would be him out in he!
Jonah Pournazarian 2021, Lazy Dog Sauteed Spinach Recipe, Mclennan County Indictments November 2020, Articles M